Hi there, Monday!

I always have plans for these great blog posts.

I'll be driving somewhere and start writing the post in my head.

I get home, yeah, it's all gone.

What comes out is more of me rambling.

Sorry.

If you are surprised or horrified, you really should have read the title of the blog.

It ain't no lie!

My girl is heading into her last month of pre-school.

I'm excited for her to move on to the great unknown of kindergarten at her new school with new teachers and new friends and new experiences!

I'm also completely terrified.

I'm sending her to a bigger elementary school.

What if she gets lost?

What if she wanders off that playground? I drive by on my way home and always see kids playing near the openings and where the heck are the adults?

Is she going to miss me if she's gone all day every single day?

I'm not sure about this.

Yet I know she is so ready. I know that she will be safe. I'm in love with the school, the principal, and what they stand for.

I'm just not sure about my baby growing up.

My little boy is sick today.

He caught the bug his sister had been carrying around for a few days, I think.

She's so much better, thankfully.

The little man, not so much. He slept soundly, so hopefully today will be a better day (ya know, a little less vomiting in my hands, perhaps?).

I love how I can cuddle with both my kids at the same time.

What would I do with another one?

Oh, but my heart aches for more.

There's so much in my heart and my head for my life and for my family.

The husband and I are going to school, and we're going to achieve our dreams.

Our little house is coming together more and more each day.

Our babies are happy and loved.

We support each other.

I'm letting God deeper into my life.

I'm searching my heart for what is right.

Now my girl will be late for school because we have to leave in 20 minutes and I'm sitting here blogging away while she's snoring it up in the bedroom!

Mom, for the win.

Oh summer.

I'm so beyond giddy about going back to school.

I'm not sure that giddiness will continue once homework and papers and exams start piling up.

But for now, I'm giddy.

I wish it was September!

At the same time, I hope the next few months slow down a bit.

I want to enjoy this summer.

My little girl will be in school all day, all week, starting in September.

My little girl is going to a brand new school, starting in September.

This begins her real school life. She's in pre-k now, and she loves it, but it's just a few days a week, for a few hours.

Next year, it's all day, every day.

That's a lot.

It is another reminder of how fast she has grown.

My little girl.

With her big blue eyes, blonde curls, beautiful smile, and her imagination that runs a mile a minute.

She's amazing.

Summer will bring us lots of excitement.

Our first time in a t-ball league.

Her first time playing t-ball.

My first time coaching t-ball.

This summer will bring lots of baseball, just like it did every summer of my childhood.

There's something awesome about that.

This summer will bring visits from far away uncles.

That brings tears to my eyes. Oh how I miss those boys.

This summer will bring birthdays and BBQ's and carnivals and parties and swimming and park playdates and late nights playing in our backyard.

I love summer.

I will let my excitement for school go just a little bit, just a little so that I can enjoy my summer.

Life is so amazingly sweet.

Monday means excitement!

It's about time for a happy post, wouldn't you say?

Last week, I got some awesome news.

I really am going back to college.

My good friend shed some light on my waiting for acceptance into the school, and I called and sure enough, I didn't need to apply in the first place.

I'm super smart like that. Don't drop out of college, kids.

I spoke to the records department and re-enrolled and the wonderful man told me to wait 24 hours to log back on.

So I waited.

The next day things got crazy, and I didn't get a chance to get back on and see if I could log in to the school website until much later in the week.

I held my breath.

It worked.

I clicked on "financial aid".

And then I cried. Full on sobbing.

And laughing. Crying and laughing.

I'm not going to have to pay a dime to go to school this year.

I can't believe it.

I'm making an appointment with an advisor to see where I stand, to make sure my credits from my brief stint at another college have been transferred over, and to figure out what path I need to be on to accomplish all that I plan to accomplish.

I wonder how this will work. Will I be able to handle being a full-time college student? Maybe part-time would be easier, but what would that mean for the financial aid I've received, and the silly loan I can't wait to put on deferment? Will my kids be able to deal with it? Will I be able to manage my business at the same time? How will my daughter manage being in school all day everyday for the first time while I'm juggling everything else? Will I be able to coach volleyball? What about my house - we can barely keep it up now! Will the husband be able to manage going to school, too?

Cause, yeah, he's going back, too! We haven't heard about his financial aid yet, though.

This is so important, though.

Our kids will see us graduate from college.

They will see us achieve our dreams.

We will get better jobs.

We will be happier with our lives.

It's all so good!

It'll be hard work, though. Again, I quote my favorite movie - The hard is what makes it great.

I'm excited.

So very excited!

It's about time. We could use some excitement.

Oh Sunday.

I think Sundays are made for rambling.

The girl and I went to church this morning. She was so very well behaved. I love when that happens.

We had a visiting priest. Some of the things he said really hit home.

One thing that stuck with me, something about not asking our spouse over and over if they love us.

Crap.

Guilty.

Why do I do that? Why do I question?

We had another rough day.

Us and weekends don't tend to mix these days.

I guess that's why I question.

I know he loves me. He knows I love him. We just have to hold on as we maneuver through this particular time in our lives.

I think we can do it.

We've been through worse. We've been through more.

It just sometimes builds up.

Like the dishes.

And the laundry.

I sound like a broken record.

But it's true!

With kids, those things just get pushed aside.

Not saying I stayed up on the housework before I had kids, either.

...but I'll just keep that my little secret.

I'm a softball coach.

I love it.

The girl came with me to practice today.

Yeah, I made them practice on a Sunday.

I'm mean.

Totally.

Not.

It was optional.

Seven girls came.

It was awesome. We played, had fun, enjoyed ourselves.

The girl had a blast. She hit the ball, ran the bases. The girls on the team cheered her on and played along.

I'm lucky to have not only a great kid, but a great group of girls on my team.

I'm trying hard to figure out a way to motivate and inspire my them.

It's not as easy as I'd anticipated.

But I keep trying.

That's the story of my life these days.

I just keep trying.

We just keep trying.

Memory Lane - Grandpa's Closet

Growing up, our grocery shopping didn't only take place at the grocery store. It often took place at my grandma and grandpa's house.

Monday was produce day. Grandpa would call and take our order the night before. He never wrote anything down from what I gathered. He'd always just count on his fingers how many items. Sort of reminds me of myself - I always make lists (because I have a ridiculous obsession with list-making!), but I can remember things just by counting them. Guess he rubbed off on me a little!

He'd also pick up other things for us, I especially remember hot dogs. I'm sure there was more to the weekly meat trip he made, but he always brought us back hot dogs.

If we needed anything, we'd go over there to get it from their extensive pantry. They were always stocked!

Needed toilet paper? Off to grandma and grandpa's house!

Grandpa also supplied us with our cereal. Now, I was a picky kid. I didn't like chocolate. My brothers loved it, of course. I didn't like anything with marshmallows in it. My brothers loved it, of course. Captain Crunch grosses me out!

My grandpa knew that. He always bought my favorite - Apple Jacks.

When we'd come over he'd ask if we needed cereal, and if my mom said yes, it was our responsibility to go back to grandpa's bedroom and go inside his closet and pick out which cereal we'd like. There was always a variety.

There was always a box of Apple Jacks in there, just for me.

This week I ate a bowl of Apple Jacks every morning and smiled.

I wish I could have gotten that box out of his closet. I wish I could stop by his house and send my daughter into his room to pick out a box of cereal. I'm sure that he'd purposely pick out a box of her favorite cereal every week, just like he did for me.

Instead, I smile, and make a note to buy cereal for my grandchildren one day.

Reflections.

Today we stayed in our pajamas all morning. It's almost lunchtime, maybe we'll get dressed after we eat. We're going to picnic on the floor in the living room for lunch and watch a movie. It's a beautiful day outside, so the windows are open. This weekend maybe we'll move our picnic outside. Today, I'm still feeling pretty vulnerable, so we're shut in.

Today we played in the kitchen. I kept the baby gate down all morning. I sat in the kitchen and blew bubbles and the kids chased them down giggling. I let them play on the couch cushions on the floor. We giggled and played and tickled each other.

I just let them be.

It was carefree. It was relaxed.

My heart is heavy. Life can end so suddenly. It scares me what can happen. I realize I can't live in fear of the future, but it's hard to escape that reality sometimes.

We have to keep living. We have to embrace our loved ones. We have to keep taking chances and pushing ourselves. We have to become better people.

I'm trying to be optimistic.

Alright, it's getting a little clearer!

It's been a rough couple weeks.

The husband was in a car accident two weeks a go. Thankfully, he is okay. The car, on the other hand...not so much.

The positive... thanks to my brief stint at our car insurance company back in TX, I knew how affordable adding roadside assistance to our policy is, and I decided this time around to add it for both vehicles. I did that just a few months a go. So, with the accident, the husband was able to call the roadside assistance company and the car was towed back to our house, free of charge.

Thank God! When he told me he had the car towed, my heart sank, wondering how in the world we could afford that. Then I remembered. I'm so grateful!

The negative... we are down to one car. The more expensive car to keep full of gas, of course.

Two days a go I get a call from the husband on his way home from work telling me the only working vehicle had a flat tire and he wasn't able to open up whatever it was that held the spare in place.

The positive... roadside assistance to the rescue, again! We have unlimited usage, which is wonderful. They came and helped him get it out, and he was safely on his way home.

The negative... the only working vehicle now has a spare on it and we can't drive it very far. I'm not sure when we'll be able to get a new tire.

But you know what? Beyond these very rough couple weeks, I've had some clarity. I know that we'll be okay.

The other day something happened to the husband at work, something that shook him a bit. The next day he didn't have to visit this particular place, which has never happened before - it's a place he almost ALWAYS goes to.

I was amazed - I told him, "God was looking out for you!"

His response, "That was my exact thought, word for word."

Okay. I got it. We're on the same page.

God is looking out for us.

I know my blog has taken a turn lately, and I've been talking about my faith a lot more. It's a part of my life that I've seldom explored. I certainly have always believed in God, gone to church regularly (for the most part), prayed daily. I've never doubted. I've just never explored any type of relationship with God, or thought about my life in connection with my faith. It's always just kind of been there, on the surface. It's hard to explain, but I've been feeling like I have needed something to happen in my life. Something to help me ease myself from the pain and the stress. Some kind of reassurance. Some kind of purpose. Some kind of meaning.

It's a lot. It's heavy. It's not easy. But it is easy at the same time.

I've been down, worrying, stressing, trying to figure out what to do.

For right now? I'm still going to work hard at putting my family back together. I'm still going to work hard at balancing our budget. I'm still going to work hard to find other means of income. I'm still going to work hard to keep up the house. I'm still going to work hard to make sure my kids are happy, despite the vibe that's been in our house lately.

But I'm also going to give it up to God. I know He is there.

I feel lighter already.

Another rambling post.

Today's blog will showcase exactly why I've titled this blog Ramblings of a Sleep Deprived Mama.

Not that I need to showcase that, I just imagine that's what will happen.

I have a lot to say.

Too much, really.

It wants to pour out of me.

But I have just as much to do as I have to say!

I need to prepare my practice plan for tomorrow.

I need to do some actual work.

I have several phone calls that I need to make. (it's after 11:00pm, so probably not tonight, huh?)

I need to prepare a menu plan and list for the grocery store.

I need to shop in the morning, but I also promised the little ones a trip to the library. Gotta figure out how to make that work.

I need to clean my house.

I seriously need to clean my house.

Laundry, oh!

Must. Do. Laundry.

The dishes, however, are pretty much done. That's a first!

Go with it, right?

I'm exhausted. We had movie night tonight, just me and my babies, and it was wonderful. The little one fell asleep within 15 minutes of the movie. The big one fell asleep about 15 minutes from the end of the movie. They now are both sleeping soundly in my bed. I don't know that I feel like moving them to their beds, either. It is sleepover night, after all.

I'm going to sleep now so that I can wake before the babies in the morning.

So I can work-out in peace.

So I can shower in peace.

So I can start reading something very important to me. In peace.

I have been sporadic in my head. Jumping from here to there, just as I'm doing in this entry.

I'm a gemini, after all.

I'm not even sure if that's relevant. Did I tell you I was exhausted?

Did I?

Time to call it a night. Prioritize. What must be done now? What can wait?

I need to get up and read in the morning.

I need to.

You Capture - Feet

Feet = gross.

Until I had kids anyway. I find every inch of them absolutely amazing, even those stinky, dirty little feet!

The fact that those feet take them on adventures, lead them wherever they choose to go - plus, the baby has the cutest chunky little feet. :)

My girl loves posing for pictures...even if it's just her feet. I'm appeasing her, and she's giggling in delight!

Cuddled on the couch together in the morning. The girl is playing with her beloved "Catty" and the boy is wearing his daddy's hat - yeah, over his face. Still in pajamas, socks dirty from the adventures the night before.

After a particularly rough day for everyone (we were a house full of cranks!), we wound down by watching a little Backyardigans. The baby wasn't interested!

I love their little feet together.

Because the boy crashed out, I moved him to his bed and my girl and I curled up on the couch for some story time, just us. I love that she's so comfortable, she leaned her head on my shoulder, and propped her feet up on mine.

(completely unrelated, but we JUST painted the living room this weekend - isn't the blue lovely? I'm in total love, I so enjoy sitting in my living room now! The amazing things paint can do, not just for our walls, but for our spirit! But this picture reminded me we still have some loose ends to clean up - where is that outlet protector and nobody reattached that cord, hmmm? More projects for today!)

*sigh*

I'm determined to make today less of a rough day. We're a bit stressed. Things are a bit tight. But I vowed to my kids that today was going to be a happy day. Even though we had to skip out on the playdate we were looking forward to, we will still have a fun day together.

It gives me encouragement that even on one of our "cranky days" we still had little moments like in these pictures.

That gives me hope.