I'm making progress!

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I've actually lost weight. Amazing! I'm down 6.2 pounds since the first of the year. I feel motivated to continue! Who knew it could happen? The hard part is figuring out the whole food thing. If I can get a handle on that, start eating healthier, this whole thing will be a breeze! LOL, well, okay, not quite a "breeze", but it certainly is becoming doable!

I have so much that I still need to get on track with. The house, the kids, money. Time with my husband NOT spent arguing. Finding a new church that fits us. Making friends. Feeling like me again. It's a lot, and when I look at how much I have to do, I get a bit overwhelmed. I'm trying to break things up a bit, doing a little here, a little there, accomplishing one small goal at a time. I've broken up most of my large goals into smaller goals that will add up to achieving the large goal. It makes it more realistic and I feel like I'm actually getting somewhere.

For example, my house is trashed. That is the best way to describe it. If you came to my front door right now, I would ignore you and pretend I'm not home so that I wouldn't have to let you in and see how horrible it is! My problem is that our work schedules are still crazy and because Baby Boy has refused to sleep, I'm too exhausted to spend any time cleaning anything. So there it sits. The husband is in the same boat, we're just exhausted. When I feel that way, and have such limited time, I'd rather spend it playing with the kiddos then cleaning the house. So today I took some time, while playing with the kids, and cleaned one room. Tomorrow I'll do another, and do upkeep on the first room. Sunday will be the kitchen, and upkeep on the other two rooms. Eventually we'll get to a place where it's just daily pick-up stuff. At least, that's what I'm hoping for!

It sounds so easy when I type it out! I just turned around and looked at the dining room table. *sigh* This will take some work, but hey, one day I know we'll be able to enjoy being at home!! We WILL!!

Why not begin at the beginning?

A new year has started, thus starts the talk of New Years Resolutions, followed quickly by laughter and jokes about how nobody ever sticks to resolutions. Why don't we? I always forget what I said by the end of the month, or never made any to begin with, or it's something that you've been meaning to change for years so as easy as the resolution came, out the door it went.

Some New Years I am met with no major feeling of "newness" or "change". It's just another day. This year was quite the opposite. 2008 brought many challenges and changes, and I'm just now wrapping my head around what I want and what needs to be done to get there. So why not use January 1 as my time to focus in on what needs to be done? It's as good a time as any, right?

Exactly.

So here we are, new year, new me. It's that easy.

*insert laughter here*

Okay, I'm not that naive (despite what you may have heard). It's going to take a lot of work. I feel ready and willing to take on that work this time. What's the difference? I don't know. Necessity, maybe? Perhaps I'm just fed up with the "old me"? That could be it. No matter the reason, this is the season (haha!) for change!

Maybe some of you out there will join me this year! Let's shed the past, shed the weight, shed the negativity, and go forward into the new year as the NEW you!

Maybe I'll start tomorrow...

Just kidding. :)

Catching up on life.

Catching up on life - haha, yeah right! Easier said than done! I feel like I am constantly running in circles, trying to keep up with a constantly growing to-do list. I keep saying that I just need a day off from work to catch up, but on those days I am just too exhausted to accomplish anything! My seasonal job ends in three more weeks so hopefully that will allow us to all fit into a smoother schedule. I am going to use that time to focus on my regular part-time job and starting a business from home. More importantly, I'm going to use that time to focus more on my kids and our life as a whole, sticking to our schedules and having more fun time.

The husband and I have been talking. We CAN make this all work. Despite the many (and I mean MANY) setbacks that have come our way, we can still make this all work. We love each other and are in this for the long haul. We love and adore our children. We work hard. We have goals, and we will achieve them.

After a very long day at work, I'm going to throw some laundry in the dryer and do a load of dishes and head to bed. Tomorrow is a repeat of today, but Sunday brings some time off to enjoy with my family who are in town visiting us. Yay!

Update.

It's been awhile. We have been working like crazy around here. I'm juggling two jobs, the brother is getting more hours at his job, and the husband just started a new job this week. We are determined to make ends meet - eventually!

The munchkins are well. Both are visiting the doctor this week - Princess is getting some blood tests and Baby Boy is following up on some food intolerance issues. He also has a CT coming up. Fun stuff. Not.

Our family is coming in from the great state up north! Grandma will be here in 6 days, mom and brother will be here in 8. I can't stand the waiting - I'm beyond excited!

I'm exhausted, cranky, and feel incredibly unorganized. Tomorrow I don't work and am hoping to wake up refreshed and ready to accomplish the many tasks on the ever-growing list I have in my planner. That's the plan, at least.

Sigh.

We've become an extremely busy family over the course of a few days, and it SEEMS like we are handling it well so far, but I'm already starting to feel the exhaustion! My brother is working two jobs, I'm working two jobs, the husband has one and is searching for another. We're trying our best to make ends meet, and keep a handle on the children. We've become master schedulers, keeping track of where everybody is supposed to be and organizing rides the night before. Of course, it's only day two, so maybe "master" isn't quite the word...

The hubby and I are taking our boy to the doctor tomorrow for the results of his head x-rays. I feel pretty confident in expecting positive results, but it will be nice to hear it from the doctor. For those not in the know, his soft spot was partially closed, we noticed it at two months of age when he had x-rays done which showed that it was closed but not enough for surgery. Now we're following up with new images to make sure things are still on the right track, and to discuss how we will continue watching him, what to look for, etc. - our "plan of action". I'm feeling confident, his head has been growing properly and he is definitely on time developmentally. I just get nervous everytime he spits up or coughs or wheezes...is it too much? Is that normal? Does it mean brain swelling? I just keep praying.

I took initiative and went and found myself a job. After over a year of being out of the workforce, I've jumped back in head first. I've got two jobs for now. I'm starting a retail position this week part-time, and an office position the following week part-time. The retail position is only seasonal, but the extra income is really going to help us.

Now comes the part I forgot about. That motherly guilt thing. Feeling guilty for leaving my kids at home and feeling like I'm missing out on their lives. Like they will hate me for working. I know that's not the case, but for whatever reason, us moms seem to be convinced of it!

Still no focus - what the heck!

My lack of motivation is slowly catching up to me. The husband did most of the dishes this weekend, which gave the illusion of cleanliness in the kitchen. We had to rearrange the living room because our couch broke, and by doing so it opened the entire living room up and now you can see the mess from any point in the house. The mess consists mostly of baby toys, discarded clothing from both children, diapers and wipes, spit rags, baby paraphenalia that hasn't been used in months, and piles of the toddler's toys neatly organized in various places around the room. Compile the overwhelming feeling of dirtiness on top of the fact that because the baby boy has been teething for the last week or so, mama hasn't slept much, and I am really amazed if any of this entry comes out even semi-coherent because I am beyond exhaustion.



I have so much to do, so much I WANT to do, but it really requires me to sit down, prioritize, and DO something. I'm sort of stumbling through my morning routine today, and when I'm done with that I think I'll be ready to get down to business.



I will search for some focus today. It's been awhile since I've had any.