Goals O' Plenty!

Well.

I feel it.

That motivation. It's creeping back in. The excitement of a new year. New challenges. New changes.

Ahhh, that sweet scent of starting something new!

The key is grabbing hold of that excitement and running with it. I tend to get stuck inside the gate and never make it out. I end up wasting a whole barrel full of motivation, and it takes ages for me to recoup it all.

So where to begin? Where should this motivation lead me?

A couple places, perhaps.

This blog. I love writing in it. It would be way more fun if people read it, but hey, writing for myself is what I'm doing here, and myself is reading it, so score one for me! I also just joined BlogHer, which is very exciting, yet completely overwhelming. We'll see how it goes!

Myself. Physically. I woke up yesterday and was determined to make this weight loss thing work. It's going to take a lot of work and energy, but I really do want to be happy with myself again. I'm in a wonderful yahoo group with wonderful motivating women and I'm utilizing that support to its full capacity. I rejoined SparkPeople, where I can keep track of my food, water, and exercise. As writing is a tool I use to process things in my life, I've started blogging about my weight loss journey, as well. There's more to feeling better about myself then just the weight loss. I'm going to work on being happy with me just the way I am.

Myself. Spiritually. This has been a tough one. It's an area of my life I am very eager to explore.

Relationships. My relationship with my kids, with my husband, with my brothers, with my friends. I want to work on all of them. They are all positive relationships now, but I often don't give them the attention they deserve. Then there is the parental relationship, notably with my father. More notably with his wife. How that will progress, I have no idea, but I have to do something about it. I need more "Girl Days" with the Princess. I need more one-on-one time with the Baby Boy.

Books. Reading. Writing. I'm feeling the call! I haven't decided yet what kind of reading challenge I want to undertake this year - whether it be a goal of some numeric value by December 31, or something different like the Rory Gilmore Books Project. Also, I'm going to write. I pumped myself up for NaNoWriMo last November, but didn't get very far as November became the month of the big move. I think I want to take things in a whole new direction with my writing. I have some ideas, and I'm going to give myself the time to put the pen to paper and see what develops.

School. I AM DOING IT! I've had several conversations with my husband and I know now without a doubt I am ready to go back and finish college. I know what I want to do. I'm going to save that for another blog post, though. :)

Theatre. Before we moved to Texas, several of my theatre pals and I created our own group. It never took off quite how we envisioned it, but I think we weren't ready to really put the effort in that was required. I was the last to hold on to our little group, and when I moved, I closed it for good. Now I'm ready. I don't foresee opening it this year, but my goal is to really lay the groundwork. Do my research. Set the ball in motion.

Coaching. I haven't decided yet if I will return to coach volleyball in the fall. I enjoyed it much more than I had anticipated, and I've already been coming up with ways to improve my coaching for the next season. It all depends on my family and our schedules. I'm still hoping to coach softball this spring. My fingers are crossed.

Work. I don't know what I'm doing yet. Am I going to continue working in real estate? Let it go and work as an assistant from home? Just coach, and find another part-time job that fits around the husband's work schedule? I'm not sure. I have a lot more thinking to do.

Volunteer. I want to give more. My husband and I have reached out lately and given toys and coats to families that needed them, and it felt so good! I want to feel that feeling more often. I want my kids to learn the joy of giving. I want to help people (oh how my mother would cringe when I'd say that growing up..."I don't know what I want to be, Mom, I just want to help people!"...not that she didn't want me helping people, but the college I chose to go to unfortunately did not offer a BA in Helping People...much to my dismay!).

It's going to take a lot. I need this year, though. I need something to change. We, as a family, need this year.

Ok, motivation, don't let me down!

Hello, 2010 - can I have a do-over?

Yeah. Day ONE of the new year, and I'm already asking for a do-over.

It's a fair request, right? I mean, come on, you KNOW that when you play a game and mess up right off the bat you start over! Right? RIGHT?!?!

So, I want my do-over.

It wasn't a completely wasted day.

I started my new exercise/weight loss shindig today. That's a positive!

We moved in the extra dressers from the garage, I finished most of the dishes, we cleaned up a lot of the clothes that have been piling up because of the absence of the aforementioned dressers. All positives!

OK, so I was a little unnecessarily sharp with the kids today. Not often, but a little bit more than I needed to be. I'll take the negative on that one.

The husband. Yeah, that was a negative...

Mathematically speaking, I guess that's a wash. Two positives to two negatives...I'm still at square one. That would work if the weight loss and cleaning carried as much weight as my relationship with my kids and my husband.

Close, but not so much.

Thus why I need that stinkin' do-over!!

Come on, please, PLEASE, Mother Nature, Father Time, the New Year's baby, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, I don't care...somebody? Anybody? Please?

No?

Crap.

Those Mid-Winter Blues

It's actually a little early for the blues to hit me. Historically, it happens about mid-January. It's often baffled me how the magical holiday season inspires me and fills me with such joy and love, how I wait with baited breath at the window for the first sign of snowflakes falling....and then all of two minutes later I'm angry and cranky and I've got no good reason for any of it.

This has been the story of my life since as far back as I can remember. I have heard from many people that they go through something like this in the middle of the winter. It's just substantiated itself as I've gotten older and have more obligations and commitments and screaming children who need my attention.

Okay, they aren't screaming, for the most part, but Mommy could really use just a minute to herself every once in awhile...

It's a funk. I can't help it. I've yet to figure out a way to push myself out of it. I'm trying to focus on the new year, setting new goals, starting over, blah blah blahhhh.

I'm on edge, that's for sure.

Oh, life.

We are settling in to our new home. Boxes have been unpacked or shuffled to the basement for sorting later. Shelves have been constructed, furniture placed, beds put together and rearranged several times. Toy placement has been played with, resorted, moved around. The dishes pile up. We clean them. They reappear. The laundry is constantly washed, seldom put away, as we are still figuring out where clean laundry should reside.

It's starting to feel like home.

I'm beginning to smile again at the little things I had taken for granted.

The little pets lined up in neat rows on the floor, sorted by animal type.

The eight or so balls underneath the couch, where they had rolled out of reach of little fingers.

The letter and number magnets that cover the refrigerator, holding up school and homemade art projects.

The coat rack that holds each of their little coats, next to my husband's.

They make me smile endlessly and always. Despite any issues that may arise in our day to day life, seeing their smiling little faces, having them reach their hand out for mine, hearing that sweet, "Mama!" (or "MOM!" depending on the mood of the Princess) - these are the things that make my day to day life so infinitely wonderful.

I try and remember these things while they are pushing and screaming and making me want to tear my hair out. I remind myself that these moments will only last for a short while, and soon they will be past this stage. Then I remember that this really will only last a short while - and I should slow down and enjoy every second I can.

Midnight Conversations

Princess wanders out of her room after being asleep for several hours and asks me to come and tuck her in. I, of course, oblige, and as I'm leaving her room, the following conversation takes place, while her eyes are closed:

Princess: Mommy, can you move the crayons for me?

Me: *chuckle* Sure, baby, I'll move them.

Princess: Mommy, I know it's really in my imagination, so it's okay if you don't move them.

Smart cookie, she is! I then go to the kitchen and pop some popcorn (don't judge me!). About 20 minutes later, out she comes:

Princess: Mama, my pillow smells like popcorn!

Then she turns and proceeds back into her room with her smelly pillow, and I return to my delicious popcorn.

There's light at the end of the tunnel!

Color me introspective tonight! I see potential, I feel it, I'm feeling myself finally getting back on the proverbial path. It's a wonderful feeling. Having faith and hope that things will work out, and then acting on that faith and hope, actually gets you somewhere! Who knew, right? It feels good.

We've finally found ourselves in a new home, and after some new furniture, some rearranging (and more rearranging), and some unpacking, it's really starting to feel like home. The kids are getting on a schedule, which is a plus. I'm working on my own schedule so I can work more productively from home. It's there - right within our reach! We can do this!

I'm overflowing with excitement at the possibilities that lie ahead of us. I haven't been able to sleep yet tonight because I'm planning and plotting!

Life is good.

Tears.

I keep looking at incredibly sad blogs today, and the tears just keep on coming. It breaks my heart. I feel so much sadness and pain for families I've never met. In turn, I'm so utterly grateful for my own family, but so scared knowing how that could all be lost in mere seconds.

How do people live knowing that their entire world could change so quickly? I guess we don't think about it. If we were to dwell on the possibilities, we'd miss the here and now. So I'm hugging my babies a little tighter today, reminding them how much I love them and how awesome they are. Reminding my husband that I'm so in love with him and so grateful for our life together. Sending my love to all of my family and friends here and elsewhere.

I'm wiping away these tears and going to enjoy my wonderful here and now.