Tuesday, November 18, 2008


We've become an extremely busy family over the course of a few days, and it SEEMS like we are handling it well so far, but I'm already starting to feel the exhaustion! My brother is working two jobs, I'm working two jobs, the husband has one and is searching for another. We're trying our best to make ends meet, and keep a handle on the children. We've become master schedulers, keeping track of where everybody is supposed to be and organizing rides the night before. Of course, it's only day two, so maybe "master" isn't quite the word...

The hubby and I are taking our boy to the doctor tomorrow for the results of his head x-rays. I feel pretty confident in expecting positive results, but it will be nice to hear it from the doctor. For those not in the know, his soft spot was partially closed, we noticed it at two months of age when he had x-rays done which showed that it was closed but not enough for surgery. Now we're following up with new images to make sure things are still on the right track, and to discuss how we will continue watching him, what to look for, etc. - our "plan of action". I'm feeling confident, his head has been growing properly and he is definitely on time developmentally. I just get nervous everytime he spits up or coughs or wheezes...is it too much? Is that normal? Does it mean brain swelling? I just keep praying.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

I took initiative and went and found myself a job. After over a year of being out of the workforce, I've jumped back in head first. I've got two jobs for now. I'm starting a retail position this week part-time, and an office position the following week part-time. The retail position is only seasonal, but the extra income is really going to help us.

Now comes the part I forgot about. That motherly guilt thing. Feeling guilty for leaving my kids at home and feeling like I'm missing out on their lives. Like they will hate me for working. I know that's not the case, but for whatever reason, us moms seem to be convinced of it!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Still no focus - what the heck!

My lack of motivation is slowly catching up to me. The husband did most of the dishes this weekend, which gave the illusion of cleanliness in the kitchen. We had to rearrange the living room because our couch broke, and by doing so it opened the entire living room up and now you can see the mess from any point in the house. The mess consists mostly of baby toys, discarded clothing from both children, diapers and wipes, spit rags, baby paraphenalia that hasn't been used in months, and piles of the toddler's toys neatly organized in various places around the room. Compile the overwhelming feeling of dirtiness on top of the fact that because the baby boy has been teething for the last week or so, mama hasn't slept much, and I am really amazed if any of this entry comes out even semi-coherent because I am beyond exhaustion.

I have so much to do, so much I WANT to do, but it really requires me to sit down, prioritize, and DO something. I'm sort of stumbling through my morning routine today, and when I'm done with that I think I'll be ready to get down to business.

I will search for some focus today. It's been awhile since I've had any.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Lack of focus.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. I know, kind of scary. Though all I seem to do lately is think. There is no action behind the thoughts. I'm trying to figure out what to do on many levels, family, kids, husband, friends, family, social, personal. So much is going on. I can't get a handle on anything. I feel so...disconnected.

I want so much, I just can't get a handle on things. I can't focus.

It has taken me almost an hour to get this far in this blog.

Now the boys are home, so I'm going to attempt to make myself useful elsewhere.


Tuesday, November 4, 2008

History has been made!

I just finished watching Barack Obama's acceptance speech. As usual, I have chills. I sat here in front of the television with my husband and children, both of whom were fast asleep and completely oblivious to what was happening. We watched history in the making. This is one of those events that our grandchildren will come home from school and ask us about. It's exciting!

On other fronts, the job search is moving toward the positive end, and that's something!

I guess I don't have a lot to say tonight. I'm excited, thrilled, happy, elated, you name it tonight. I'm 1 for 2 in my vote for president winning. Not too bad. :) I'm excited for our future.