Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My Secrets.

Outward goes my energy, so very little sometimes to give away.

The parts of me, deep inside, so precious, so they stay.

I wonder often if I whisper my dreams to the stars, might they come true?

Or if by saying them out loud the possibility will dissolve, too.

I ache and yearn for more than this.

The excitement, the love, fulfillment, the bliss.

It's not about what works for me, this is so much deeper than I can explain.

It's about our family, our sanity, our whole lives, our souls, so much to gain.

So instead of whispers and secrets, I'll just pray.

He knows what is best for us, and He'll have the final say.

I'll put my life in His hands, something I should do more often, and wait.

For a sign, for a star, for some idea of what His plan is and what is our fate.

Patience isn't my best virtue. I'm about planning and lists and goals.

I need to know. Not just in my head and in my heart, but in my soul.

What's going to happen? Yes? No? Silliest idea ever? Best plan yet?

What will You say, dear Lord? Is it a go? Are our lives already set?

Let it go, and let be.

Just wait and see.

I'll pray, and rest.

You always know best.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

What is it?

I don't mean to always be so deep.

I just can't figure out what is missing.

What am I aching for?

What are You trying to tell me???

I'm content and happy...but longing for something.

It would be wonderful if this was easier.

But it's all part of the journey.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Cryptic ramblings!

I wonder what the future holds for our family.

I'm going back to school in the fall.

If all goes well, the husband will be, too.

It may be crazy and hectic for awhile, but it's so worth it.

He'll be happier.

I'll be happier.

Our family will be happier, in the long run.

I can't wait to change the world.

Make a difference, somehow.

I want so much more.

I have so much to give.

I want to achieve so many things.

My heart aches for so many things.

I feel incomplete.

There's room for so much more in our lives, I'm sure of it.

We'll make it wherever He plans for us to go.

I'm completely giving way to faith.

I know He has a plan for us.

For me.

My heart tells me so.

I will help.

I can help.

I can give and love and share.

I want to open my door and my heart to so much more.

To so many more.

It's a hard place to be, sometimes.

Wanting to speed things up so I can feel and see and touch everything I want.

Everything I see in our future.

But I don't want to miss all the wonderful things about now.

Right now.

With my loves and their gracious and wonderful spirits.

I want more.

But I want to stay right here and enjoy it just a little while longer.

I know that whatever He has planned for me in the next few weeks will take place.

If it's not part of His plan, so be it.

If it is, so be it.

It would be nice if the answers were clearer.

Not waiting to find out, just knowing.

My heart can't take it sometimes.

I hope that we'll all stay on the same path as the hours and days and weeks and months and years go on.

I want so much more for us.

We can give so much more!

My heart has room.

Lots of room.

This life is amazing.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Hello, weekend.

It's 3:00am.

I should sleep.

I should clean the bathroom.

My baby has been potty-training this week, and, well, he's a boy.

It's not like he stands up to pee, but he sure does miss the toilet.

I've taught him how to wipe himself after peeing.

I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do or not.

I've never been a boy.

The husband may have to work on that at a later time.

I'm so proud of the boy!

I didn't think he was ready.

Just three days a go he came up to me and said, "Mama, potty!"

Who was I to disagree? So off we went.

And he did it!

He's been on a roll ever since. We're off to buy big boy underwear tomorrow.

My baby!! :)

I think it's time for another one.

Or twelve.

Or not.

We'll see how it goes, I suppose.

Hopefully the husband doesn't read that.

I was up late working on my softball statistics.

Then decided I was too tired and I'd finish in the morning.

So I got up and washed dishes.

My work is never done.

Hmmm, if he's old enough to pee in the toilet, he's old enough to wash the dishes, right?

One of his favorite things is to grab a chair and pull it up to the sink and play in the water.

I take that as a future request for that job.

No problem, buddy. Mama's got you covered.

There's a beautiful blonde curly-haired girl in my bed.

She loves me.

She needs me.


I'm hanging on to that.

But I'm almost whatever age I'm almost and I still need my mommy.

So there's hope.

She tells me often that she never wants to move out, even when she's 100.

I told her that's fine.

She can stay right here forever.

My smiley boy better have the same plan.

I don't want to let go.

82 days until I'm a college student.


I'm so excited!!

I wish I could go buy books now.

Patience isn't one of my strong suits.

Hmm, what else?

I'm madly in love with my husband.

That's probably a good thing, considering we're married and all.

But I do like him.

A lot, even.

Even on days when I don't like him.

Go figure.

I'm rambling because I'm sleep deprived.




I should go to sleep.

Well, fine.

Good point.



I'm going.

See you later, weekend.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

You Capture - Fun

This week's You Capture was about fun.


Super easy, since all we do is fun around here!!

Well, kind of.

Of course I didn't take any pictures of our fun this week, but I took a picture AFTER we had fun. We had played outside and then were having a movie night in my bed. After a fun day, this is how I found my two loves:

This picture just makes me smile.

Being their mom is fun.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

A month later.


I didn't mean to abandon you, my dear blog. It was out of my hands.

But here I am, ready and willing to bare my soul to the world.

Or not.

It's Saturday, it's raining, I'm rambling, and still very, very sleep deprived.

Tonight something took over me and I became the mom I don't want to be.

I don't know why. Or where it even came from.

My babies went to bed not very happy with me.

I then sat and cried on the couch.

I sometimes find myself so overwhelmed.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders now that my coaching season has come to an end.

Not as much relief as I had anticipated.

I'm grateful to have more time to do other things, but I just love softball so much, it's hard when it comes to an end.

It was hard as a player.

It's still hard as a coach.

I have a lot to do.

House to clean.

Work to do.

Babies to make things right with.

Tomorrow will be busy.

We're spending it at home, with no plans to go anywhere.

Except for church in the morning.

After that, we're coming home and staying put.

We're going to be a happy family tomorrow.

So let it be written, so let it be done.


I blanked.

Time for bed?

Dishes first.

Then bed.

Well, dishes, wake up babies to apologize and THEN bed.

I plan, one day, to leave them little notes to wake up to.

Ya know, when they can read and all that jazz.

Tonight's note would say, "I adore you. I'm so sorry for my behavior today. You make me smile constantly."

Times two babies.

Welcome back, blog readers. More rambling in the future.

You can count on that, at least!