Saturday, April 18, 2009

Rewind...Start Over...Again...

That's right, I'm starting over. Why not, right? That's how I feel. It's my life, I'm allowed a do-over or two or twelve, whatever it takes to get this whole thing right! This probably won't be the last time I start over. That's okay. As long as I keep trying, I'll get to my goal eventually.

What exactly is my goal? That's a good question. As always, I have a ton. Lose weight. Make more money. Work from home. Play/coach softball. Go to college. Graduate college. Be a good mother. Be happy. Change the world. All that jazz.

So in starting over, where exactly do I start? No clue. I usually think too much and plan too big and then get lazy and give it all up because it would have taken too much time and energy to even begin to accomplish it all. Maybe I start smaller? Maybe I don't need to change the world today. Maybe I don't need to solve every problem in my life and every problem in everybody around me's life today. Some of that can at least wait until tomorrow, right? Yeah, maybe.

Let's make some realistic goals. Some attainable, realistic goals. First off, I gotta lose some weight. I was doing so great at the beginning of the year. I was working out regularly, eating semi-decently, and I was seeing a change. Right now I feel like I've blimped back up and all my hard work has been for nothing. I don't WANT to exercise right now. That makes me feel worse about myself, thus feeling the need to crawl into bed with my self-pity and my bag of cheddar and sour cream potato chips. Probably not the most effective way to make a change, eh? It's certainly got complicated now that the husband is working different hours. I can't spend the time after work in the gym. But why can't I wake myself up earlier and go before work? Why can't I do more at home? I've got no good answer for any of that. I sure can get up earlier. I sure can work out at home. I can do all of that. I just can't be lazy anymore.

Moving on. School. I'm going back in the fall, and you can't stop me! That's right! I still have entirely too many career goals, but at least I'm going back. I need to call the local school on Monday to update my application and see what I need to do next.

Going along with that, I really need to organize my life so that my schooling doesn't interfere with the rest of my chaotic life. Well, okay, so at least it won't interfere as much as it COULD.

All of this goes along with the happiness thing. I can be happy. I can be a better mother. I can manage it all. I just can't be all talk anymore.

So off on the journey I go. Again. Follow along if you want. It sure will be a bumpy ride, that much I can promise you!


Mama C said...

Don't beat yourself up. Change is hard and having goals is always a good thing. I never want to exercise. Going to bed late is keeping me from getting up early to workout. It is so hard to get motivated.

Jenny said...

That really is my problem, I can't get motivated! I WANT to be motivated, it's RIGHT THERE, I just don't know how to get it to cooperate! You are right, though, I can't keep beating myself up over it all. One step at a time and this will all work out. Hopefully, anyway, lol.