Hello, 2010 - can I have a do-over?

Yeah. Day ONE of the new year, and I'm already asking for a do-over.

It's a fair request, right? I mean, come on, you KNOW that when you play a game and mess up right off the bat you start over! Right? RIGHT?!?!

So, I want my do-over.

It wasn't a completely wasted day.

I started my new exercise/weight loss shindig today. That's a positive!

We moved in the extra dressers from the garage, I finished most of the dishes, we cleaned up a lot of the clothes that have been piling up because of the absence of the aforementioned dressers. All positives!

OK, so I was a little unnecessarily sharp with the kids today. Not often, but a little bit more than I needed to be. I'll take the negative on that one.

The husband. Yeah, that was a negative...

Mathematically speaking, I guess that's a wash. Two positives to two negatives...I'm still at square one. That would work if the weight loss and cleaning carried as much weight as my relationship with my kids and my husband.

Close, but not so much.

Thus why I need that stinkin' do-over!!

Come on, please, PLEASE, Mother Nature, Father Time, the New Year's baby, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, I don't care...somebody? Anybody? Please?

No?

Crap.

Mission to Change - Topic 1

I'm really making the effort to change myself completely for the better, and this time I'm going to follow through with it completely. I know for a fact that I will stumble along the way, but I will be a better person for it, a better woman for it, a better mother for it.

Today is about my relationship with my children.

I feel like I'm, generally speaking, a good mother. I certainly have my moments when I really just want to escape from it all, but that's pretty normal. I feel, though, that I sometimes become absent in my days with them. I'm here, but I'm not HERE. My mind is somewhere else completely, and I don't have the energy for anything. A simple request for something to drink is sometimes met with an angry reply that is completely undeserved. This isn't constant, but it's much more often than I would like. They are growing up entirely too fast and I can't take it. All of these beautiful baby moments are slipping by and I'm missing them.

So my goal for myself is to take a few minutes (or longer, if time permits, and hopefully it will!) to really sit down and have a moment with each of them, everyday. Yesterday, while my son was napping, my daughter asked me to play with her. I immediately turned the television off and made that effort to play with her, and we had a great time. She likes to set up all of her house toys just like me. :) It was that simple, and it made her day. And mine, too. Next up, while my daughter was finishing up her lunch and getting ready to take her nap, my son woke up and when I went to get him out of bed, he immediately smiled and lifted his one arm to me (he leans on the other one). It melts my heart, and I relished in his small embrace, his hand on my cheek as I kiss him and tell him how happy I am to see him. We played together on the floor, him giggling the entire time, his sister laughing and clapping everytime he attempted to sit up. It was a wonderful moment, and one that I want repeated as often as possible.

It's that simple. I regularly have good moments with my kids everyday, but really telling myself to push past that fog in my head really made me become a happier, more approachable mom. I really feel that both kids responded to it, too. I was amazed at what it did for me. I really felt HAPPY, which isn't something I feel all the time.

Today, while my daughter was sleeping, I sat down again with my son and played with him. He giggled and laughed and his beautiful blue eyes were shining. He really has the most gorgeous blue eyes! Watching him crawl and explore, and letting me come along for the ride, is something I'm going to hold on to as long as I can. My daughter is out at the store now with her daddy, so when she gets home, her and I are going to do something fun together.

Even if it's not one-on-one time, I'm going to make a point of letting myself really experience my children every single day. I feel like I'm giving myself a really great gift. I feel so rewarded and just so lucky. This is something I can do, and will do, every single day. We will all benefit from it.

*We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand...and melting like a snowflake. Let us use it before it is too late. ~ Marie Beynon*