Life Lessons.

I've been thinking this morning.

I started off angry. Somebody made judgements on people they had never met based solely off of their looks. I think it was some kind of veiled attempt at flattery, but the fact that this person thought making comments like that was okay really shocked me.

Weren't we all raised with the Golden Rule?

You know, whoever has the gold makes the rules...??

Okay, sorry, watched Aladdin yesterday, I couldn't stop myself!

What about not judging a book by it's cover?

What about treating others as we want to be treated?

What about just being NICE?

I thought that was a universal concept.

It amazes me how some people don't think like that.

I'm not angry anymore. I'm just very, very sad.

Part of what I want to change in this world is our perspectives on other people.

I want to help the homeless, the poor, the orphan, the disabled or the disfigured.

In our fun Disney viewing this past week, I also introduced my daughter to The Hunchback of Notre Dame. It had been awhile since I had seen it, so I wasn't sure if it was really age appropriate, but she begged and I was watching it with her, so we did it.

We had the most beautiful conversation about differences in people and how wonderful it is that we are all different!

We talked about how mean and cruel it was that people were yelling and making fun of Quasimodo.

We talked about how strong Esmeralda was to stand up in front of so many people and tell them to stop.

We talked about how what Esmeralda did was the right thing to do.

We talked about differences in appearances between people we know in real life. People with different color skin, different color eyes, different color hair. We noted that even her and I have different color skin.

We talked a lot about how people who look different than she does, especially in Quasimodo's case, are just the same as we are. They are people with feelings, and making fun of them is never okay.

Loving them is always okay, and is the right thing to do.

We talked about how calling Quasimodo ugly was hurtful. We talked about how calling anybody names was mean and hurtful.

We talked about what was different about Quasimodo. We talked about how nice he was, and she thought he was a good singer. :)

We talked about how those qualities were more important than what he looked like.

She grasped it, a little bit, anyway. But she's not yet five years old.

This is how it starts, however. I might not be able to change everybody's perspective of people all over the world, but I can do my best to raise my own children to be loving, kind, and accepting of all people.

Reflections.

Today we stayed in our pajamas all morning. It's almost lunchtime, maybe we'll get dressed after we eat. We're going to picnic on the floor in the living room for lunch and watch a movie. It's a beautiful day outside, so the windows are open. This weekend maybe we'll move our picnic outside. Today, I'm still feeling pretty vulnerable, so we're shut in.

Today we played in the kitchen. I kept the baby gate down all morning. I sat in the kitchen and blew bubbles and the kids chased them down giggling. I let them play on the couch cushions on the floor. We giggled and played and tickled each other.

I just let them be.

It was carefree. It was relaxed.

My heart is heavy. Life can end so suddenly. It scares me what can happen. I realize I can't live in fear of the future, but it's hard to escape that reality sometimes.

We have to keep living. We have to embrace our loved ones. We have to keep taking chances and pushing ourselves. We have to become better people.

I'm trying to be optimistic.

The Words.

I've been tongue tied a lot lately. Not even just when it comes to my blog. The words are just not presenting themselves in a timely fashion!

I feel... off.

I'm not sad or upset or angry, and for the most part, I'm happy and feeling good.

Except... not.

It's just the oddest thing.

It's now almost 2:00am and for the first time all day I have energy to clean. I just organized my desk and have my plans set for tomorrow's work day. Great!

Except... I was supposed to clean the living room.

Ugh.

I told the husband that I'd pick up the living room, maybe go crazy and sweep a little, and he promised to do some dishes when he got home from work. PERFECT, as I despise dishes.

Except... not.

Where the heck is my head?? I have a lot to do, yes, but nothing new has developed and I'm not feeling overwhelmed. Financially we are still feeling good (thank you, IRS, for your timely deposit!). Nobody's arguing. The kids have enjoyed being out in the warmer weather (except for yesterday, but I'll just pretend yesterday's crappy rainy freeze-your-butt-off day didn't exist!).

So what the heck is going on??

I threw the kids in the car this afternoon because the thought of washing the pan I needed to make dinner (because of course THAT was the one still dirty!) was just too much, coupled with the actual act of MAKING the dinner. I just couldn't take it.

As we drove around, I called the husband and said, "Something is seriously wrong with me."

And then I drove through Taco Bell.

Mommy fail.

Yummy, but... fail.

Now I cringe as I look at the clock because it really is almost 2:00am, and I have to get up in the morning to get the girl off to school, and then I have to do some real estate work, and then I have to work on my softball practice plan, and then actually coach the practice, and then I have to come home and make dinner, and oh crap what if I don't get a chance to wash that stupid pan, what will I feed those kids?

Right.

See?

Something is... off.

Mental overload? Can that be possible without actually feeling overwhelmed?

That's gotta be it.

Right?

Or...

No.

That's gotta be it.

That or I've officially lost it.

I sat by and watched the boy child color on the refrigerator today.

I sat and WATCHED. Then took the crayon away. After he had colored for several moments, all the while peering at me, obviously thinking, "Come on, lady, I'm over here coloring, aren't you supposed to come after me? What the heck is wrong with you?"

Good call, bud, what the heck?

Now that it IS 2:00am, maybe I should just take my non-productive-but-I-think-maybe-I-am-productive-but-I'm-probably-not-productive behind to bed.

Maybe tomorrow will be more productive.

Or something.

Hello, 2010 - can I have a do-over?

Yeah. Day ONE of the new year, and I'm already asking for a do-over.

It's a fair request, right? I mean, come on, you KNOW that when you play a game and mess up right off the bat you start over! Right? RIGHT?!?!

So, I want my do-over.

It wasn't a completely wasted day.

I started my new exercise/weight loss shindig today. That's a positive!

We moved in the extra dressers from the garage, I finished most of the dishes, we cleaned up a lot of the clothes that have been piling up because of the absence of the aforementioned dressers. All positives!

OK, so I was a little unnecessarily sharp with the kids today. Not often, but a little bit more than I needed to be. I'll take the negative on that one.

The husband. Yeah, that was a negative...

Mathematically speaking, I guess that's a wash. Two positives to two negatives...I'm still at square one. That would work if the weight loss and cleaning carried as much weight as my relationship with my kids and my husband.

Close, but not so much.

Thus why I need that stinkin' do-over!!

Come on, please, PLEASE, Mother Nature, Father Time, the New Year's baby, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, I don't care...somebody? Anybody? Please?

No?

Crap.

Those Mid-Winter Blues

It's actually a little early for the blues to hit me. Historically, it happens about mid-January. It's often baffled me how the magical holiday season inspires me and fills me with such joy and love, how I wait with baited breath at the window for the first sign of snowflakes falling....and then all of two minutes later I'm angry and cranky and I've got no good reason for any of it.

This has been the story of my life since as far back as I can remember. I have heard from many people that they go through something like this in the middle of the winter. It's just substantiated itself as I've gotten older and have more obligations and commitments and screaming children who need my attention.

Okay, they aren't screaming, for the most part, but Mommy could really use just a minute to herself every once in awhile...

It's a funk. I can't help it. I've yet to figure out a way to push myself out of it. I'm trying to focus on the new year, setting new goals, starting over, blah blah blahhhh.

I'm on edge, that's for sure.